Saas-Bahu Series 3

The funny part was, the first saas-bahu blog coincided with the electoral win of India’s original “bahu” of the “kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi” fame.

Was that really a divine sign that the “bahu” has won?
Is there really a “saas bahu” war?

Over the last couple of weeks, I have heard innumerable arguments about this topic. A lot of these have no clear answers. There are a lot of facets to any relationship. I think to come to some consensus about any situation; we have to consider both sides of the coin.

D – My ‘M’ had her chance when she was raising her child, now it’s my chance and my child. I will listen but ultimately it’s my decision. My ‘M’ undermines my authority and goes behind my back every time I leave the house. This will just not do.
M – The baby is my grandchild. Don’t I have any right over him? I have also raised children before. Does my ‘D’ think I am going to cause some harm to my own grandchild? I am much more experienced than her in raising a child.

This is just an example of the typical argument.
Both mother and grandmother need to understand that they are no longer just ‘D’ and ‘M’.
If they want to coexist harmoniously, first they need to learn the “meethi zubaan.”

The child is an individual, not a property for anyone to claim rights about.
He is someone’s child and someone’s grandchild.
The grandparents are people with individual preferences, not paid caretakers, just as the parents have newer and evidence-based ideas about raising children.

Most important to remember is that both love the child.

Both have to understand that if they are not firm about issues like discipline and cultivating right food habits, it is the child who will suffer. Undermining the other persons authority or insulting each other in front of the child, will just ensure that the child learns its okay to not listen to elders. Even worse, children quickly understand how to play ego tussles in the family to their advantage.

Just because the child knows to get his own way, does not mean it is good for the child. In fact, slowly children learn to get all the forbidden things from one person or the other. This is definitely detrimental to the child’s psyche, coz they feel they can get their own way by manipulating others.

So what should be done?
How do we approach an untenable situation?

In our final blog on this topic, we will try to get some answers…
Till then, happy monsoons to all my little ones, their ‘M’s and ‘D’s.

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